Marvel Marathon #7: Thor: The Dark World

(During quarantine my girlfriend and I are going through the Marvel movies chronologically. Surprisingly, she is really enjoying them, maybe even more than me. We are already a couple down and I’m gunna do write-ups for all of ‘em, the good and the bad.)

Ok, so I hated the first Thor, but who knows, maybe I’d like this one. Cut to the chase: Nope. This film is abysmal. I don’t even wanna talk about it.

I will doth my cap to a couple of things before I rip in to this movie. All the characters that appeared in the first as stale pieces of meat in the room have a bit more purpose. Thor’s friends are still mostly useless but at least they do something in this one. The Shakespearean dialect that was so jarring in the first one is toned down a bit in the sequel too.

Another positive part is the secondary villain, the muscle, I liked him. He was kinda scary and reminded me of Predator, probably because the design is a complete ripoff of The Predator but whatever. There were also some horror-esq moments that made me feel if they went full horror with this movie it woulda been so original. Just imagine a horror Thor movie set on Asgard, but it’s Disney so that’s not gunna happen so it ended up being a half-assed family friendly Predator rip-off.

So it is better than Thor in just about every single way, and that’s the only good thing I have to say about this trash. Most of the movie is set on Asgard, which would have had me tearing out my eyeballs but the scenes set on Earth are so dumb, hideous, and they portray British people as morons that every time we’re back on Earth, I’m praying to get back to Asgard ASAP. That annoying Two Broke Girls girl is still around, in the first scene she crashes Natalie Portman’s date in what is undoubtedly the worst written, most badly acted scene in the history of the MCU.

For the majority of the film, Loki is trapped in an all white prison cell. Does that remind you of anything? That is exactly what happened in The Avengers. Fuck. There is no originality.

The film is so boring, so badly acted, so badly scripted, so badly directed that I have already almost completely forgotten the plot, and that is 100% not because of my own ignorance. Thor’s mother dies and for some reason that requires him to team up with Loki or summat. Yadda, yadda, yadda, Loki is redeemed even though he’s a murderous bastard. Right then. What a piece of shit. Oh, and everything still looks fake as hell.

Next up: Captain America: The Winter Soldier…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s