(In this series I play every video game given away for free through the PlayStation Plus subscription service, no matter if I’ve played them before or how much I really don’t want to play them.)
Believe it or not, I was actually incredibly excited to start playing this game, even after finishing a game as cinematic as Uncharted 4. The reason why I was excited to play this game is because, we’ll, it’s a fucking game about growing crops, it sounds shit, so if somebody had an idea to make a game about farming and sell it for 60 quid a pop, it’s gotta be good, right? I felt like there’d be something big in the game, something huge to make it interesting. Well, it turns out it’s just a bog standard simulator. It’s not good and the 10 hour long tutorial has writing so small you can’t even read it. So infuriating.
So I turned the stupid game off and played through the entire Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back instead. Great game. The first obvious difference between Cortex Strikes Back and the first game is the area in which you select the level. Now Crash moves between “warp” rooms, and though it’s great that the player can choose which levels to play first, the warp rooms are grim and dark compared the rich and colorful islands in the first game.
This is the worst of the original trilogy but it’s still great. The greatest thing about this sequel is that the whole game feels like huge puzzle in itself, as there are different secrets that lead to hidden levels that lead to completing the game 100%. There’s so much replay value. There are more controls and this is the game that introduces the body slam and the skid. Jet surf-board is a great addition and a wonderful beginning to vehicles in the Crash Bandicoot series. And it feels so satisfying when you figure out a secret entrance to a hidden level all by yourself.
How is this a game for children? The difficulty level is so high. I’d let a kid play Grand Theft Auto V before this. Guaranteed, the kid would be more likely inspired to murder a bunch of civilians after failing Crash Bandicoot 80 times than he ever would from playing GTA. I don’t think anybody ever figured out how to get some of the gems without buying one of those cheat guides back in the 90s.
For such a difficult game, the boss levels are surprisingly so easy, and they are also the lest interesting group of bosses in the trilogy. Chasing cortex with a jet pack though a field of meteors is great, but it lasts for just one minute. There’s only one boss in the later warp rooms with any kind of development in the fight; N. Gin is the first time in the series in which the player uses Wumpa fruits as weapons.
I also don’t like the idea of bonus rounds being accessible without collecting those three faces. It always felt so satisfying when I collected those faces. I love how arcade-y it felt as well. This game’s biggest issue is that there are too many sewer and snow levels. It is just not a colorful as the original and there aren’t even close to as many iconic levels. Also, what’s with the weird huge flamingoes at the beginning?
I had no idea Coco and Crash’s girlfriend were two different people! I didn’t know Coco was Crash’s sister. I wonder why they got rid of Tawna, who was the bandicoot crash had to save in CB1. I always did think that it was weird that they sexualised a bandicoot. Surely there hasn’t been a weirder thing that’s been sexualised in media ever.
And that’s my review of Farming Simulator ‘19.
Also, fun fact: A friend of mine from the sticks of Ireland is always slated for looking and dressing like a farmer. I joked that I’m going to customize my character to look exactly like him. When I booted up the game and went to customize charater the default settings of the character looked exactly like him. I didn’t have to change a damn thing, not even lying.